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when the other becomes one's own
photography, ilfochrome, video, 1998 - 2002

sara S

see also video Quick Time ( 32,8 MB )

Irrational fear, inner, before everything
It was hard to find people
So evened out
That you decided on something
A person without cover up
That we made it
Dreaming that weíre doing those things
Emotionally mobile
Just like that
Just what I was thinking of
I will be walking on the street
I will make myself clothes like that
So silenced
I will do my hair like this
Something has to be done
Thereís a time
Ultimate sacrifice
Because I filmed it that way
I was supposed to go to the hospital in October, but I got
gronkowiec
To have it
I wrapped it around my finger
As a whole
Youíre ready to sacrifice
Whatís really yours
A period of happiness what I have
Men are capable of noticing me
80% of my type and 20% of the opposite
Will I ever meet a guy?
I looked good, I felt good
I was the first one in four years
Because nothing is for real
They were doing opposite cases
Life like in a shell
Youíre cut off all the time
Like being with a guy
They had to get used to it
You canít take part in anything
It seems everything is for real
Is a complex story
Being a woman
I calmed down already
They do it privately
I went there once
She got it for me
TM-type of man-woman
I was terribly afraid of what they in £ůdŅ
I was exactly in between
You could trust them in a purely medical/technical field
It systematically started to be a pain in the ass
Eight girls, eight boys
I got my hands on some newspapers
Pulsating, intuitive
My decision is also a matter of affirming a certain scheme
Youíre ten, so youíre a kid
I was diagnosed
This sex, which was visible
And they somehow realized
They attached a label to me, rather appropriate, as a matter of
fact
I no longer looked like I did before
I was under treatment
And you meet people
You have to put on make up, go out on the street
Put on that heel
Confused, desperate
Social acceptation
In a particular place
I donít remember that stress
It is good
You constantly psychologically feel someone else
You start to have a body like you wanted
You live in a particular environment
Where you used to go out on the street
I was born again by myself
Raping of an organism
So unwanted
Tired
I wonít go through any childbirth
The pain lasted for twelve days
You forget about many things
To live, to function
Moments of my life
That once youíre through it
On the other hand it was bad
Blue-eyed blond guy
And that was good
And those know, those donít, those knew me
Some sort of openness
It is an unimaginable pain
Without making a big deal
I look like a girl, but not fully
It gave me a type of freedom
Mysterious mob
I got used to it
Way, in which I did it
Is it good, is it bad
A friend from high school
They knew me from the past
Will they get mixed up, wonít they get mixed up
I showed up at work as a lady
Friend from religion
What itís about
I didnít look yet
You canít cut it off
The past elongates
On this card what it says there
After that you have to live in that body
In a longer run
And maybe the same person
In the firm as Mr. X
Hundreds of models, stylists
A girl will come to us to work
You had to get used to it
As a totally different person
Now you wear a DD
When they knew me when I was twenty
Technically
To be able to face people
Slightly twisted gave birth
You have to distance yourself from those people
It was great
Now you are on the other side
Normal girl
They felt safer
In my previous life as well
That Iím not gay
Itís not troublesome
I think they were simply happy
Wanting to pursuit the stereotype
Making the body fit the psyche
But decision
Itís a type of scheme, and maybe itís sick
They are very attached to details of their anatomy
Because, anyway, itís incomprehensible
Model friends were happy
If I was anti-stereotypical
To be a person, who is nobody
For me it was a positive symptom
Is also a pursuit of the stereotype
To sigh with relief
There was something about it
Still, men are chauvinists
Intuitive feelings
In male categories
Now they know whatís the case
You wonít remember
I was always somebody in between
Remember, whatís his name
Something wasnít right for them
That was I without any chemical/surgical interference
She will feel bad
Somebody figured it out
They were removing something
Because nobody will be able to understand it
I always had
They were sowing in on
You get out of the hospital, you get the information card
A girly figure
It was so foreign
Not all of my body
There exist many plains
Which was simply done
It didnít suit me
I didnít feel
My stomach looked like it does now
Urological
Disgust of my whole body
Another level
Later
In the case of women
Psychologically a man
My legs always looked like they do now
A plastic surgery was begun
Once bugged me
Recreate different dilemmas
With some of our body parts
Everybody has this magical vision
Later a gynecological surgery
And I lived in a female coating
Gender membership associates with
Was totally strange for me
Some price
A technical metamorphosis
Some fiction
Because it is a surgery
It happened during
A pretty large conflict
It is a freeing change
Keeping those people in a cage
Not something in between
A finished product
To transform oneís body
To overemphasize some sick things
This is supposed to be a man
A woman, who feels sheís a guy
Place of making people feel bad mutually
Is real, because a human was born with him
Requires some sacrifices
Organs, that produce
They give those hormones
You will have to pay
Some things are possible
An organ, which is stronger because itís natural
People, who lead the therapy
Such equalization and
Because they fight
It would constantly pull me down
For myself
The organism is deprived
This joy of life
Thereís no other possibility
Various general goals
It is a terrible pain
You have to fight it out for yourself
This has to be meaningless
I used to be someone else
Or not accept it
A perfect technical effect
Joke of the past
now Iím happy with it
freeing of the psyche
the face and figure
to become
transforming the body
this person
I have what I wanted
How they see me
This is irreversible
Long-legged blonde
In the form of feedback
This psyche is backed
That one day she will be beautiful
And in the form of continuity
One thing about this which really makes me happy
In the form of body
There is no
And this is